I was first diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was almost 30 years old. 2 years after my then 10yo son was diagnosed with it. Today my oldest is almost 23 years old.

What did it mean as a parent to have Asperger’s disorder? you’re asking. Well, being an Aspie parent hasn’t been easy in General and being one to Aspie kids has been tough but being a Transgender Aspie parent to Aspie kids hasn’t only been tough but many times, so hard it was unbearable.

Here are some of the issues i has to deal with over the years:

– Those of you who know what some of the more noticeable Aspie-traits are, know that we tend to “get stuck” in our stubbornness and with the thought that we are right and everyone else is wrong, and that we can go on being “stuck” until we win every single power struggle we’re engaged in. Now imagine having this trait and engaging in power struggles with your kids, who also have this trait and can go on until they come out with the upper hand. How does it end? Well, it took a few good years for me to understand and accept that most likely, I would have to be the one that compromises, even when I feel that I’m right.
It’s harder for Aspie kids to compromise than for the adults among us, because as adults we’ve already had time to learn some skills and adapt, whereas the kids didn’t learn that skill yet.

– Low frustration threshold is a biggie for Aspies! Kids can drive every parent nuts at some point or another, and Aspie kids can do that even more than others, but when the parent has a very low frustration threshold, things are even worse. I always had to struggle with this far more than other parents,  I know. I still do even now!

– Phone phobia is one of the problems many Aspies are dealing with. I always had trouble calling people on the phone. Don’t ask me why, I just do!
When people call me, I have no problem, because I can see who is calling and screen calls, if needed, but for me to call others…even if it’s just to make appointments, has always been horribly hard. It came to the point where I had physical manifestations of that fear in the form of rising temperature, high blood pressure, migraines, nausea, fainting episodes etc. So you can only imagine how difficult it can be when you have to call the kids doctor’s clinic or the school.

– One of the things my kids always pointed out was that I’m like a kid in an adult body sometimes. This fact has been both a blessing and a curse. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that my kids, when they were young, loved having a mom, that liked playing video games as much as they did, and was as good at it; a parent that loves going to theme parks and rides the scary roller coasters along with them; a parent that was competitive, that liked  playing rough…one that had water fights with them, that wrestled with them, one that planned the coolest pirate birthday party ever…
When my kids were in elementary school, I used to hear the following sentence a lot: “you’re a cool mom! None of the other moms play with the kids like you do”. However, once my kids grew up and hit puberty, the very same thing that made me into “the cool mom” was the one that all of a sudden caused them embarrassment. That’s when the sentence changed into sounding more like: “OMG! why can’t you be more like all the other moms?!”

Today, my kids are adults. They love and accept me just the way I am! if it’s the childish behavior that sometimes surfaces or the fact that I have been transitioning to a man. We all went through a lot yet we’re all doing well together, and apart, and I am proud to say that despite all the hurdles and difficulties, both of my kids are now independent individuals and amazing people, so I must have done something right!   🙂